Simulation Theory Meets Astrology: Are the Planets Our Programmers?

While the “Near Death Experience (NDE)” genre is saturated with sensationalized accounts of the Judeo-Christian Heaven and Hell, biblical experiences of this nature only make up an extremely small fraction of afterlife reports. As it turns out, the vast majority of people who’ve “crossed over” and come back reveal that what awaits us after death may be far more sinister than any major religious text lets on. Brace yourselves, Simulation Theory enthusiasts — this game is about to get rough:

Wayne J Bush curates a vast collection of NDEs on his website, There you’ll find story after story of people clinically dying and leaving their bodies, only to find themselves subject to the nefarious whims of extraterrestrials, and even stars and planets! Among these NDEs are a significant number of accounts describing the Moon as a sort of soul harvesting & trafficking port, and the Sun as an enticing portal who sucks one’s soul back into an Earthly incarnation, like a moth to a flame.

But suspicion regarding the nature of the planets is not limited to this one website. Any astrologer can tell you that the classical planets all have something “off” about them. Consider the creepy amplifying rings of Saturn (about which many conspiracies abound!), the siren-like seductiveness of Venus (also known as Lucifer), the burdensome fogginess of Jupiter, the disorienting manipulations of Mercury, and the antagonistic warmongering of Mars.

If you read the entire TrickedByTheLight website, you may come away with the sense that humans are something like stupid cattle to a more advanced off-planet species, blissfully unaware that we’re being kept on Earth for purposes too stomach-churning to contemplate at length. Bush himself ponders whether many of our seemingly innocuous Earthly experiences (such as the hierarchical structure of school, work and church, or the universal promotion of Light as a positive concept) are something akin to a lifelong propaganda campaign. Through these incessant subtleties, we are groomed to be obedient in preparation for the afterlife moment when we are instructed to “go towards the light” by astral “authorities” who take the shape of loved ones or trusted religious figures like Jesus Christ to gain our trust. If this is true, the planets may be something like electric fences that keep us from wandering off the “farm,” if not consciousnesses unto themselves.


While this idea may sound absolutely psychotic to a modern mind, suspicion of afterlife- and off-Earth-dwelling entities is nothing new. These ideas can be found in old religious texts ranging from the Egyptian Book of the Dead to the Gnostic Pistis Sophia. Esoteric works like these prepared spiritual students for post-death encounters with trickster spirits whose primary desire is to ensnare the soul as soon as it leaves the physical body. What these texts have in common is a sense that Earth is only one level of a vast universal game, and that many higher levels await us — but for various reasons, advanced players of the game have set up elaborate obstacles to keep lower-level players too distracted and exhausted to develop the consciousness required to “level up” past these literal death traps. Thus, we reincarnate (or, return to certain checkpoints in the game over and over and over) to the point where many of us have forgotten we’re playing a game at all.

The concept of Earth being like a videogame has recently been popularized by the likes of Elon Musk, Shane Dawson (sorry) and Neil DeGrasse Tyson. The theme of being trapped on Earth also survives in modern Gnostic-inspired movies like The Matrix and The Truman Show. But few understand that the Architects (Archons) portrayed in these movies are not totalitarian governments — rather, they are the very planets surrounding Earth.

Gnosticism posits that the Archons (deceptive rulers of this realm) operate via the 7 classical planets. For this reason, each planet is understood to have a “Planetary Logos,” or Consciousness. So in a sense, the planets are the programmers/controllers of Earth. The astral influence of these planets — and their star accomplices — was deeply felt by early humans, who were lucky to be undistracted by smart devices and artificial light like we are now. This is why astrology emerged independently in multiple regions of the ancient world, and part of why it persists to this day. If one looks back at the roots of astrology, one will find early humans desperately attempting to appease the gods/planets through ritual and sacrifice. Some even tried (and still try) to befriend the planets by “working with” them in magickal practice.

Whether their attempts at appeasement were ever successful depends who you ask. But judging by modern NDEs, it seems unlikely that the human collective has made any significant progress in decoding the true intentions of these heavenly bodies. If anything, we’ve become even more sympathetic to our planetary prison guards. This is seen in the growing phenomenon of spiritual seekers identifying themselves as Indigo Children/Crystal Children/Starseeds who are happy to keep reincarnating on Earth in service of their “star family’s” alleged mission of “awakening humanity.”

All of this said: if we are, indeed, trapped on Terra — why study astrology?

Well perhaps we were never meant to cast birth charts simply to find excuses for our personality flaws, or to accept our star-coded “karma” — but rather, to understand the “light codes” that comprise our existence, the way binary code underlies our Internet experience.

It’s certainly possible to utilize astrology this way, and it’s actually quite odd to me that I haven’t seen more overlap between the astrology community and Simulation Theory enthusiasts. Both camps obviously understand that there is more to this Earthly operation than most people would dare speculate about publicly (but thankfully for you all, I don’t care much for my reputation ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). And both seem to agree that we are “controlled” to some extent by forces not of this Earth.

So why remain satisfied with the use of astrology for endless narcissistic personality assessments, when we could instead use it to obtain the cheat codes for our escape from the Solar System? Astrologers, openly mocked as they may be, have the tools at their disposal that would empower them to “decode” the true nature of the planets and stars, in turn revealing which Archonic forces have cruelly placed obstacles on our spiritual path… so that we may not accept those limitations but overcome them and finally ascend to a new level of the simulation, if not fully transcend it.

In other words, astrologers have the potential to hack the game.

But first they must accept the possibility that they’re playing one.

1 thought on “Simulation Theory Meets Astrology: Are the Planets Our Programmers?

  1. we’re not trapped. i remember in-between incarnations. and the universe is like a huge energy generator, everything influencing everything.


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